so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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