Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
