I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
