Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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