I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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