I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
