i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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