I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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