just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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