you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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