I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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