how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
