Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
