He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
