Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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