At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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