OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
