dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
