I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
