Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
