Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
