Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
