So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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