Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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