my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
