i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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