im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
