I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
