guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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