Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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