And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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