K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
