dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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