youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
