Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
