I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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