For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
