A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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