please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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