Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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