I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
