You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
