Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
