im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
