We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
