I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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