1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
