He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
