All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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