No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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